| Missinaibi 2001
Trip Journal
Noam Lawi
Aaron Lev
Jason Levine
Nick Morantz
Tanya Rowell-Katzemba
Sarah Panofsky
Ken Tessier
Lynda Van Gelder
Rayya Liebich
Dan Rona-Hartzog
Tim Van Dam
Van Day:
Its Aaron's birthday, we wake him up singing. Its the first time in his
life, he says, that he is polite while being woken up. We know its also
the last time. We get him a donut with a candle in it that won't light
in the wind, and a good cake for dinner.
Tanya is pussing, Nick snored all drive while Ken farted and Noam didn't
sleep all night before, but failed to sleep in the van. We stop in Sudbury
for lunch, and Dan bivouacked under a parking lot overhang in an original
and hilarious display of comic brilliance. We make last minute purchases.
We arrive at the park, lose the hot-dogs and get lost finding the toilet.
We're tired but excited.
Day 1:
We sleep in and have french toast for breakie. Aaron almost gets hit by
the toilet truck in the morning. We repack the food and Lynda goes to
give away our pickles. In hindsight, did we need that relish? We see a
bear. We finally pull off the beach at 5. We are underway. We camp on
a nice beach, where we first learn of Tim's enmity with sand. We float
our first canoe full of food for the night, hold a brief drug amnesty,
and go to bed.
Day 2:
We begin the day with an offering to the river gods to give us safe passage.
We finish lake Missinaibi in a strong headwind, and find our buoy, which
Dan thinks is a kite. There is a section of low water poling: a harbinger
of things to come. We get to Quittagene rapids, Dan feels sick after PB&J,
so we shoot the rapids and camp there. At lunch we see a bold moose. Sarah
digs a crapper on top of an old one. We find out that, by the way, Noam
saw a bear at the last campsite. These are things we like to know immediately.
That night, Lynda, Sarah and Noam see the northern lights.
Day 3:
Big day of rapids featuring Nicks "hooked on phonics" pronunciation
of I-dee-as , the edgemecation jokes begin. On the steep slope up to our
small site Nick slips off the trail, Noam is dehydrated and has a headache,
Sarah's bowel problems start and Aaron's famous heinous anus is proclaimed.
In the evening Dan and Tim jam on the guitar but soon enough the bugs
come out and we all go to sleep.
Day 4:
Paddling through Peterbell we meet other paddlers who strangely enough
take pictures of us. Tim tries to roll. We stay at the hunting camp. Jason
logs some standing deadwood. Noam and ken lose their pole bag. Noam builds
his first toilet. Nick catches a fish, the boys slaughter the fish much
to the disgust of onlookers, yet Tanya tries some. Fried rice for dinner
followed by our first sharing circle, the bugs devour us and good night
hugs and bed.
Day 5
Our first portage around Allen Island after which we rinsed the canoes
and paddled Wavy rapids. First GORP meal (last tinge there is no serious
disgruntle about it). We discuss the possibility of going to Moose River
crossing instead of to James Bay .We encounter our first real shit box
and discuss how long it would take to assemble. Sarah and Tanya learn
how to build a fire. Sarah has her first date stew.
Day 6
Quick morning and paddle to Greenhill portage; up down, up down. Aaron
completes his first 1 km portage! TLC and cheese sammies for lunch. We
find a fixed canoe with a note. We camped at St.Peter and played in the
rapids. Lounged in the hammock and ate chilli for dins. Jason learns how
to hang a pack. Jason and Nick try and sleep outside but it's too buggy.
Day 7
Pancakes for breakfast, a second offering to the river, respect talk.
Paddle to Split Rock falls, Dan runs the first half, we paddle back up
for a photo op and the first mandatory dips begin. We portage Thunder
falls and scramble on the logs at the end of it. The bees nest at the
entrance to our site is quickly spotted.
Day 8
Ken turns 19! Aaron is our first leader of the day. We paddle a long day
to Island site, Rayya feels sick, Noam fishes, and evening commotion over
the "stove" incident. Brownies by the fire and quick good night
hugs due to the nasty nasty bugs.
Day 9
First 30km day to Two Portages falls. Nick's midget is born. Rayya's first
laugh attack, and Aaron laughs till he cries. Lentils for dinner, Nick
sets up a privacy tarp at the toilet, and we find a pair of boxers. Jason
and Tim have a HUGE, lengthy and ultimately annoying debate about legalization
of marijuana.
Day 10
Pond Falls portage goes smoothly. We carry over Devil's Cap Falls, and
then play in the water for a while doing hole swims, sort of. Noam hits
his foot again. Devil's Shoepack Rapids takes us a long time and is low,
but Z-Drag rapids is a lot of fun. We camp at the CII ledge site, have
quesadillas, air out our stuff, and Jason hangs the pack over the ankle
deep water. Nice sunset.
Day 11
We get our first sighting of the Germans. Leftover Quesadilla soup for
breakfast. In not totally unrelated news, Dan throws up. Upper Albany
Rapids =Upper Albany moonscape. We stay at Big Beaver Rapids (Aaron snickers)
on a sloped rock site. Nick stays up late cleaning while everyone goes
to bed. Its BUGGY.
Day 12
Carry over Sharp Rock Falls. Lunch at Glassy Falls with the Germans. On
the last few kilometers before Mattice we meet Lynda's friend Vagina Vasleakey
and Poonam Ramdass Vajir. Rayya and Aaron LOSE IT. Jason and Tanya dump,
and we're momentarily confused as to the whereabouts of a barrel. Tanya
loses her Einstein shirt, so the Nick I.D.Ahhs jokes peter out. We arrive
at Mattice to find everything closed. We charm them into opening the Empire
Hotel's restaurant for us, and have some real food. We meet Pascal, and
some of us are better judges of character than others.
Day 13
Applejacks and eggs for breakfast. Six out of eight go to the hospital
in Hearst. All is well when they come back armed with medications. Nick
takes the midget skit to new lows: midget in the canoe, in the hammock,
attacking Rayya… Dan and Nick wrestle and Nick is decisively conquered.
The local girls follow Jason, much to Lynda's chagrin. We repack the food.
There's so much food. Jason tames a shrew.
Day 14
Hurry up and wait. Breaking news causes Tim, Dan and Rayya to meet all
morning, and Tim to make about 25 phone calls. Gorp for lunch. We get
back on the water and paddle to Rock Island Rapids. Everyone has great
lines. We camp with an upstairs and a downstairs, and eat up high. Sharing
circle, and Tim crashes early.
Day 15
At Blackfeather Rapids we introduce Christmas in July. Although we are
surprised that another group portages it, it turns out to take us 2 hours
to paddle it. Everyone gets a chance to show off their technical skills.
Good paddlers. As we arrive at Kettle Falls, Dan does his helmet dance
in response to Sarah and Noam's absentmindedness. We camp at Kettle Falls.
Good carrots with dinner, Ken sees a snake (or maybe he made that up).
Day 16
A trip highlight, Tim surprises us with GORP for breakfast. How can Sarah
and Tanya like that stuff (oh ya, because they snuck tons of chocolate
chips and dried fruit into it). Tim and Dan disagree over our progress
relative to Skunk and Isobel Islands. Floating lunch in a tailwind. Took
us four hours to do 10 km because of all the rocks. In response to incessant
repetition of the same question (does the stop signal you've been giving
us all trip really now, for real, for me, mean that you want me to stop?
Here? Now?), Dan loses it and does the Stop dance. We arrive at the portage
around Thunderhouse Falls at 8:20 PM. Finish the portage at 9:45 after
considerable backtracking. Sarah feels faint and Nick and Aaron go straight
to bed. Lentils for supper and then sweet sweet bed.
Day 17
DUFF DAY! Sleep in although Tim portages three barrels. We move to the
top site and Noam portages the barrel too far, breaks the straps and there
is no oil for breakfast. We eat pancakes in our hands since mouse shit
had invaded our bowls. A leisurely day of crafting and admiring the falls
and then a Christmas meal of lentil soup and brownies and of course the
long awaited gift exchange.
Day 18
A long morning of back and forth portaging followed by a photo op at Conjuring
House rock. We portage Stone rapids and later portage half our belongings
over Hell's Gate, Sarah and Tanya do a record 3 runs, meanwhile Aaron
and Lynda start dinner and set up camp. Everyone is feeling a little woogie
after a long day; Nick attempts to kill a rabbit.
Day 19
Buckminster Fuller /Fuckminster Buller jokes over breakfast. We finally
finish the dreaded portage but with a small casualty; Dan drops a canoe
on his head. We paddle Long rapids and have lunch at Bell's Bay and camp
on a sand bar. Ken digs a toilet right on the trail. Nick injures his
balls wrestling, Dan laughs at him then injures his "privates"
with his carabiner.
Day 20
Tim decides to be even more creative with the GORP and cooks it….doubly
disgusting!!! The diarrhea jokes begin and continue for quite some time,
not only are more tears shed in incessant laughter but this time Rayya
drools and Sarah begins to snort. We eat lunch at Pivabiskau River where
Dan imitates everyone's laughs (more drool and snorts). We play in the
swift and Jason finds a drowning chipmunk. We set camp at a gravel bar
with a fallen birch tree. Nicks A frame falls on Tanya. We have a rock-skipping
extravaganza, Dan teaches Sarah and Tim teaches Tanya how to skip rocks.
We play ghetto golf.
Day 21
GORP and oranges for lunch on an island, Nick throws his food at Dan.
There is a strange Styrofoam toilet and we discuss Montreal delis. After
Lunch, Tanya and Dan beat Aaron, Nick, Noam and Ken at an impromptu sailing
race. After a rapid, we include everyone and tow Tim's solo boat to our
campsite on a windy gravel bar. Jay falls out of the boat while sailing.
Tents blow away and the fat guys arrive. The girls skinny dip out of sight,
and later we have a running competition to see who can run farthest into
the shallow water. Sarah wins.
Day 22
We make full sailing rigs and set off for a days sailing. Tanya is awarded
the legion of merit for selflessly going overboard to retrieve Dan's Nalgene.
She is left behind and we are forced to pull over and retrieve her when
the boys' boat fails to pick her up. Too soon, our tailwind turns to rain,
and then a headwind. Tanya has a great idea: if we turn the boat around,
we can still sail! We play the "I'm thinking of a word that rhymes
with…" game, and hap and mishap DO rhyme. We camp at Rabbit
River, the crapper is surrounded by raspberries, the WLP's have a talk
about power, authority and the nature and success of their leadership
endeavours thus far. We spot some rare cranes, and the moon comes up huge
and orange.
Day 23
There is a beautiful sky when Sarah gets up at 5:30 to make us raisin
bread. Its delicious, but gives some of us indigestion due to its heft.
We get more rainstorms, and Tim huddles under a groundsheet to finish
making PB&J. The fat guys snub our waves, curse them. We stay at the
fallen spruce campsite. Lynda has a migraine, we make fresh mint and yarrow
tea (thanks Tim), the tents are too close to pass by, we have a Tanya
sawing moment, and Nick breaks the axe.
Day 24
We paddle to a Tanya-and-Sarah-chosen site, Tanya makes us Lazy perogies
while Noam washes and shallow water drains his first canoe. The sun sets
as usual.
Day 25
Our last day on the Missinaibi! Dan loses it for the last time, because
the solo boat is uncontrollable in a tailwind. Nick volunteers to solo
and peace returns. Dan falls out of Aaron's canoe while attempting to
do mischief to Rayya's canoe. Portage Island site is taken by the fat
guys. Aaron wants to camp at the cliff shit site, but it turns out to
be an island. We camp farther down the island. There are a lot of cat
tracks. A huge storm blows up as we're setting up camp. It's Tim's turn
to lose it when Dan can't produce poles fast enough. Eventually, the tarp
is bomber. Dan and Rayya's tent is flattened. We all get in lightning
positions as the fat guys leave their campsite at 4:30PM. Thanks for stranding
us on the beach, hope you enjoy your paddle in the lightning storm (was
that out loud?). We hold up a tarp so Tim can set up his tent.
Day 26
Pancakes for breakfast, but not enough plain ones. We have an unexpected
big rapid, and Ken and Noam paddle together at last. They do well. We
drift listening to the sounds of nature all is well and peaceful until
we realise we have to paddle back upstream against a strong current to
take out. A few grumbles later and we arrive at our ever so steep take
out.
Aaron teaches Noam how to portage. We finally set up camp by the train
and are greeted by two seemingly cute dogs (little did we know) and are
visited by an authentic railway dude (oh ya eh?). Everyone rushes to use
the real toilet. Rayya feels sick.
Day 27
We wake up to find that the dogs have stolen Tim's lifejacket, and Dan's
map case, raincoat, water bottle and hat. Luckily most things are retrieved.
The Railway fixing machines look like Darth Vader's bathroom. We have
a final sharing circle and say goodbye to the river. The train arrives
and the trip is over. The conductor makes us load it at lightning speed.
On the train the hash browns are good. We find out that had we continued
to Moosonee we would have faced a 3km portage along the dry riverbed.
The girls compare muscles in the bathroom. The Paddlevan arrives and we
are on our way home.
Famous last words:
"If we turn backwards will we sail better?" - Tanya
Jason: "At camp we had an Indian thing going, like a style- "
Dan "Like a Gestalt?"
Jason: "No, Nominangue"
"Ignorance is bliss because you don't know any better" -Nick
Favourite Songs:
-America
-Redemption Song
-Johnny was a good man
-Paranoia
-Jesus' Blood
Most hated song:
"... and they co sailing down, and down white water..."
Unforgetable obsessions and expressions:
Jason: balls, beer and meat
Aaron: "okeeday", "everliving crap", "tired as
all hell"
Sarah: snorting, singing, hmmmm?? Duder
Tanya:something something, thingie thingie, "tahahah" proper
laugh
Lynda: "this is the BBC news", singing musicals, Herbal Essence
hair for 27 days
Nick: edgemecation, pot this and that, Bill Cosby voice
Ken: "this is rich man's food….can I have fourths?" Kung
Fu fighting
Noam: one man wars, weird voices in the morning and oh, all the scattered
belongings
Tim: "I don't know can you?" "Oh tripper, my tripper"
lots of runs for the shovel
Rayya: "let's motor" teehee, taha, grunt grunt, ow my abs hurt,
drool drool
Dan: "baaaaahhhhhhh" jump up and down, flap arms wildly vs.
stand up comedic moments making everyone laugh
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